What is calling you?
20 hours of flight, 5 hours on trains, a 3 hour layover in Tokyo, Japan, and I have arrived in Hanoi, Vietnam - jet lagged and living somewhere in the in-between. I am bewildered that two weeks ago I was in Christmas pajamas with my family in NY, singing It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year and now I stand half way around the world, surrounded by swarms of motos in an attempt to find my feet in a sea of Southeast Asian strangers on New Year’s Eve.
The awe of travel. It’s been mere days, and I feel my sense of self shifting. Is this still who I am? The wandering soul who needs few things? Who embarks on a journey without much of a plan? Who finds comfort in distant and strange lands? I’m unsure if this is still my truth, and yet I’m here because there was a distinct and clear allure that brought me here.
This fall, while enjoying a cup of spicy Chai at a coffee shop in Boulder Colorado - a gentlemen in his 70’s who was wearing a neon green bike vest, stopped to compliment my earrings, as they shimmered in the midday sunshine. A frequent occurrence with this adornment, which led to an hour long conversation on allure and unseen forces.
I shared that my earrings were thrifted and obtained the weekend of my birthday; an especially important moment for me as I was with my best friend celebrating 40 years on Earth. He shared that after a vision quest in the mountains, he too gained a memento from a second hand store in NYC. It was a bracelet made of bone and other natural materials, which held the energy of his experience.
This man continued to share his belief in unseen forces; the unexplainable, but clear messages we receive when we feel a connection or call to explore something further. The allure, he claimed, was the reason he felt compelled to comment on my earrings. He shared that he recently wrote a list of the friends in his life who still allured to him and those who did not.
I pondered the effect of such an activity for I could feel the depth of clarity, and also the grief that this sort of introspection could bring.
I understood this phenomenon of following allure, except I instead called it intuition. I had recently attended a Thai Yoga Massage workshop with no intention or desire to practice massage therapy, but something intrigued me, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Upon meeting the instructor, who was a stoic and soft man of meditative nature, we discovered a connection to dear family friends. We bonded immediately. After the training, the instructor shared his upcoming retreat in Thailand to which my soul replied, “Hell yes!” for no logical reason. This was only days after I told my best friend that I was happily and consciously not traveling for a year.
This allure, this intuitive insight, has brought me to places and experiences that most thought were senile. I traveled to Costa Rica in the middle of Covid, which despite the frantic fear of loved ones, ended up becoming a blessing that transformed me. A three week vacation turned into four years of living abroad, an experience that shook my marriage, expanded my consciousness, and fulfilled a life long dream.
Listening to our Yes! is a critical source of inspiration, and yet, it is one we tend to override. How often do we sit and contemplate what is right for us? Even when the nudge within feels strong and clear? I knew the minute this man mentioned allure, that the yearning to go to Thailand was real. My soul wanted the experience even if it didn’t fit into any rational plan.
In Costa Rica, I discovered a slower, kinder, and more present way of living, as well as many alternative healing methods that supported me as I healed from illness. I broke away from roles I had inherited, most of them conditions of what I thought it meant to be “good.” There was heartache and discomfort, but trusting myself has brought so much wisdom and expansion. I have found a healthier, more true essence of what it means to be me. And that took listening to my gut and flowing with opportunity rather than following the tide of what was contrived and dictated to me.
What prescription of life is guiding you? Is it your heart or your gut? Do you follow those intuitive hits and insights that urge you to learn more? I have ignored these signals so many times only to end up in complicated messes that caused an immense amount of harm and illness. Which is why I find myself at peace and a grounded state of calm despite the discomfort of being abroad in a foreign land when I desperately seek the comfort of my home. I know I am meant to be here.
What do you know to be true, for you? What opportunity, experience, path, place, or people are alluring you? What would it take for you to believe in your own innate wisdom? Where is your intuition guiding you? What leap is necessary and what’s holding you back from pursuing it fully?
This man and I challenge you - the earrings too! To believe in the ineffable magic of unseen forces - who truly only want the best for you!
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