Knowing My Why
- Feb 11
- 4 min read
The clarity of intention
We’re half way through January - two weeks into the “New Year, New You,” mentality that is most likely waning in enthusiasm. I’m not sure about you, but I already feel behind. I thought my newest book would be edited and released already. I thought I would be storming the scene with content to help people move through recovery. I imagined my book hitting the shelves in perfect timing to ride the wave of resolutions for Dry January. And yet, none of that happened. Well, none of it has happened, yet. And although I do want to move forward towards these goals, I find myself content and appreciative of what is.
I never did a Dry January, mostly because I wasn’t timely enough to get my shit together. I more accurately was still reeling from a very intoxicated holiday season and the only way to deal with the shame was to keep going. My first attempt at quitting was February 2018, and I chose it because it was the shortest month. I wrote about that experience, which in a nutshell was sheer torture. I didn’t want to quit. I wasn’t ready to do the work. I was simply removing the substance from my world and expecting myself to feel better. I didn’t. Instead I felt worse.
In my new book (coming soon!) in which I outline a six week process to guide people through quitting or reassessing their relationship with substance - I start with the practice of examining why. Why do you want to make a shift? What change or better way of being is calling you? Why? This reflective task is absolutely imperative. It’s hard to stay committed simply by stopping the behavior, or willing yourself through 30 days of abstinence - if you don’t have your why, it won’t matter.
Even with six years of abstinence under my belt, I still feel cravings. I sometimes wish I could have “just one”. I fantasize about a glass of red wine with dinner or the ability to go out and drink and dance wildly with new friends. The appeal of getting wasted is attached to absurdly skewed memories, which I know are false, but they’re still there. I sometimes grasp at this idea of normalcy that has been ingrained in society, but I know that moderation and “just one” thinking is delusional and unworthy of my affection.
Knowing my why keeps me tethered to my integrity.
Knowing my why keeps me rooted in reality based on my lived experience.
Knowing my why keeps me out of the mindset of moderation and therefore, mediocrity. (Read more on this here: Sober Soulful’s “Everything in Moderation is Just Settling for Mediocrity”)
Knowing my why keeps me strong in abstinence and from believing there’s something wrong with me. (Read more on removing labels by my mentor Holly Whitaker, “Hi I’m Holly and I’m not an alcoholic”)
Knowing my why helps me choose the best version of me - regardless of outside perspectives or influences.
Knowing my why is like planting seeds of support for my future self.
That first February was alarming as the true effect alcohol was having on my life became glaringly clear. I didn’t know who I was without it. I only knew I was tired, sick, and carried a nagging shame of weak because I was addicted. Not that I relate to the label of addict or alcoholic, but my life revolved around drinking. Maybe it’d be more accurate to say I was codependent. I hung out with alcohol every holiday, Friday night, concert, or gathering. When I finally broke the toxic cycle, I had to reconnect with who I was and it was awkward.
For months, I felt like a weirdo. I didn’t know how to engage with friends or what to say at a dinner party - I avoided almost every social invitation. I was lonely, and yet my why, my resolve to live a better, healthier, more conscious life consistently reminded me that I was worth the struggle. The easy admission of belonging while drinking had failed enough times that I knew I had to try something different. Abstinence was key. And the alienation I endured allowed me to see how clearly wasteful I was being with my time, money, and energy. Knowing my why kept me committed to cutting the puppet string in order to choose kindness and compassion towards creating a better me.
Why we do anything is because we believe in ourselves. We feel a sense of value and we know that we desire more. It takes courage to commit to this, and once we do, it’s baffling that we ever doubted our ability or our worth. We see the delusion and the comfort of the cycle, as well as the complacent societal behavior. And at some point, we just know. We know that we don’t want to participate in this behavior any more.
What’s your why? Think it, feel it, remember it. For temptations will arise, and being honest with ourselves is how we stay devoted to creating a life we love. The only opinion that matters is yours, and you deserve your own radical and honest love.
If you’re interested in learning more and want a sneak peak of RecoverYOU, or you’d like to be notified when the new book is released, be sure to become an email subscriber.
Comments